When you feel down, irritated or in a really bad mood, there is a tendency in us that wants to stay around that state. With this I mean that we normally fall into a trap of continuing thinking about the situation that puts us into that state, which perpetuate the feeling. The more we think about it, the more we are feeding that emotional state.
Did you find yourself falling into this mental traps? “Why did he/she do that thing to me?” “I should have say that other thing to him/her” “I should have act in this way before” etc. And we are imagining all possible scenarios related to the situation, and we are re watching the movie again and again.
If you really want to stop feeling this way, with the frustration, the tiredness, the anger or whatever negative state you are experiencing, here I can share another approach to look at things in a new way.
And I say “If you really want to stop feeling this way”, because I know many people who are experiencing a bad feeling, but they don´’t want to let it go, or its not their time to do it yet. So, if you dont feel the need to stopping the feeling down, its ok. This steps are just for the ones who want a way out.
- Let’s change the position: the feeling is having you, not the other way
You don’t HAVE that feeling, but the feeling TOOK over you. We are normally taken by any sort of emotions all the time. As a button that is pushed, every thought, impression and situation are triggers for emotions to take place in us. We cannot choose them and some appear out of nowhere, by some subconscious association or by planetary position. There are higher forces that influence us, so you are not the creator of your own feelings but just a simple apparatus that feels them. And as an apparatus that just feels, we are not trained to be present to filter the triggers of our emotions. And most of the times, those triggers are completely unconscious. So, you dont feel this way but actually the emotion is taking you, affecting your thoughts and actions.
- Let’s make some space: you are not that feeling
The problem about some negative, down feelings is that they dye everything around with the same color they have. So if you are taken by sadness, everything you can think or see, it will be perceived in the same tone. And any other thing that is with a different color, lets say, contentment, joy, thankfulness, etc., you just cant see them, because of the color of sadness that took you. When you are under the frustration influence, you cannot see anything right in you, everything you did was wrong and its impossible to see the big picture. So you’ll need to make an effort to separate from it. Knowing that the feeling is taking you, then you have to strongly remember that you are not that feeling. That you are bigger than that. That you have a lot more inside that this momentary feeling is not allowing you to see it right now, and deep inside you know is true.
- Lets put something new: Feed your mind with something different than the problem.
When you were able to make some space, we have to change the direction of our thinking. In order to do this, you can inmediatly start a new activity around you: go to shower, do the dishes, take your dog for a walk. The direction of your thinging shouldnt go to review the movie that happened OUTSIDE, but instead to what can you learn about yourself. The most interesting questions you can ask yourself with pure honesty are the following:
- What is this feeling actually telling me about myself?
I.e. I’m frustrated because I did something wrong. What is the frustration telling me? I dont accept the error in me. That s learning something about myself. I take a picture of this moment and I make a new memo: A part of me really dislike the mistakes I make. Ok. You can be saying: “Well but this is normal! Who doesn’t feel frustrated with a mistake?” This is the justification to perpetuate the negative feeling. If you feel the right of feeling frustrated, then its ok. and I go back to the introduction maybe this steps are not for you right now.
- What am I actually needing instead of this feeling?
Take the example I mentioned before. What do I need if I’m easily taken by frustration with every mistake I make? Maybe it is to be less demanding. Maybe it is to understand that I don’t need to care what others think of me? Maybe it is to remember that I have the right to make mistakes in order to learn.
These questions can help us to move from the victim state of being taken by the emotion, to a responsibility state where I am able to choose the things I’m actually needing with honesty.
- Lets take it as a practice: Set a wish for the future
Now that the feeling took place and I understood the reason and my needs, then I can set myself a new inner programming. This means that I can train myself in order to be better prepared the next time the feeling is taking over me. I can make a wish saying for example: “Next time I feel bad about some mistake I make, I will remember that I have to be less demanding, that I don’t care if others think I’m a bad person, I know I’m not, and I have the right to have mistakes so I can learn fully.” You can say it out loud to yourself. Make a wish for a better version of you in the future so you can remember later. This is a new programming of oneself that over time and tons of repetitions, create massive change.
Never give up. It is worth the try in every situation even if you feel that you cannot change the way you feel. Yes you can. Remember: you are not the feeling, you have not a bad feeling but the feeling is having you. Your true self is beyond that, in a conscious place of relaxation very deep inside you.